Monday Night Movie Review (aka-The Monster Squad)

The movie starts with exposition. Apparently Van Helsing ‘Blew it’. There’s this weird amulet that can open a direct portal into Limbo and sucks Van Helsing in at the start of the movie. The movie then skips to the “Present Day” (which is about 1987 or so) where two kids are getting yelled at for drawing monsters in class. Blah, blah, blah, Dracula can fly as fast as a plane, blah, blah, blah, Van Helsing’s diary in a yard sale. Quote from finding the Diary: “This is Great! This is German…” So they go to ask the scary German guy (who just happens to be a holocaust survivor) about the German. He is a HUGE help to them (and gives them pie). There’s also a line in there about him knowing a lot about monsters that then shows his numbers. By the way, did I mention that Dracula was rounding up the big five monsters (Dracula, the mummy, the wolfman, the creature from the black lagoon, and Frankenstein). Except Frankenstein seems a little more like the book version than normal. Oh well, still not nearly as verbose. Anyways, after making their own weapon in shop class (including casting his own silver bullets!) the one badass guy in the group proceeds to kill the three brides of Dracula, AND the wolfman! (By the way, if this movie teaches us anything, it is that you can’t kill a werewolf with dynamite.) There are several other great scenes in the movie, including burning Dracula with pizza (the garlic, I suppose) and the part where the fat kid shoots the creature from the black lagoon, then says to the former bullies: “My name,” he cocks the shotgun, “Is Horus!”. On the subject of the swamp monster, it apparently likes Twinkies: “Creature stole my Twinkie.” And apparently virginity is still lost, even if your first one “doesn’t count”. Funny movie if you’re watching it to make fun of it. I personally wouldn’t recommend it if you aren’t properly fortified with lots of sugary drinks and/or a crowd that will help you make fun of it.

On a different note, I am now my own national emergency. If you’ve been paying attention to the news, the H1N1 Virus has been declared such. And guess what I caught? Well, they aren’t actually sure that is what I have/had, but it showed all the signs of being such. I caught a relatively mild strain of it, but it was still enough to really slow me down. I’m over the fever and getting better every day, but I still have a cough and less than average stamina. On the bright side I didn’t have to go to classes for several days. On the down side, I had the flu. Oh well, at least I was mostly recovered by my birthday. That was yesterday by the way. Oops.

Remember, even if they’re in bloody chunks, werewolves will come back if you don’t shoot them with a silver bullet.

Comments are appreciated. They make me feel loved.

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