Book Review: Apocalypse Cakes

First and foremost I would like to apologize to Shannon O’Malley, the wonderful author that entrusted me with her book. This is also a warning about the black hole conditions that my room can sometimes take on (though the earthquake that knocked half a stack of books under my bed last year was very real).

A beautiful, thought provoking cover. I laughed when I saw it.

When I first saw this book the fact that I do not eat chocolate (an apocalyptic sign in and of itself to some people. My mother is first and foremost among them, swearing I am not her child and that the hospital switched me at birth with her real baby) never entered my mind. It probably should have since most of the population is incredibly addicted to chocolate. Many of the best recipes seem to be drenched in it (literally in a few cases). As I read through, though, I found quite a few cakes that were delicious looking and without chocolate.

I initially wanted to make the China World Domination Red Bean Cake, but then the government demanded all my rice flour so that it could be “redistributed”. All they left me with were my packs of gelatin and my cake decoration supplies. In a way this is perfect, because it was exactly what I needed for a different “cake”.

Here are my ingredients laid out to prove that yes, I can make this with things I have around the house.

The Robot Uprising Artificial Food Cake was thankfully easy for me to make (though my mother says black food coloring is surprisingly hard to come by, and what we had around the house is leftover from my interesting childhood). I did make two changes to the recipe. First, these were supposed to be jigglers made overnight. Unfortunately I forgot to make them last night, so I opted to go with regular jello instead. I used aluminum twice baked potato tins. I personally thought they looked like oil pans. My family all insisted they looked like coffins.

Here they are chilling in the fridge. Do they really look like coffins? I still swear by oil pans.

The second change I made was that I used edible silver balls instead of ball bearings. I know my family, and as I would prefer not to make a third trip to the emergency room in as many days so that someone can have metal removed from their stomach, I opted for silver sugar balls. Unfortunately the silver balls flaked in the fridge. I think it’s a cool affect, though.

See the flaking? No one complained, though.

“It tastes pretty good, but it looks terrible.” – My Uncle

Here Tigger (with my mother's assistance) mimes my family's initial reaction to their dessert.

The upswing to serving my family weird food is that my mother took the book after I showed it to all of them. I’m fairly certain that sometime in the near future, someone I know is going to be eating Chernobyl Black Russian Cupcakes.

If you all would like to take a look at this yourself, you can go to http://www.apocalypsecakes.com, or check them out on twitter (@apocalypsecakes) or facebook (Apocalypse Cakes). It’s a very amusing book filled with politically incorrect pastries (which are totally the best kind), like the Obesity Epidemic Pound Cake, and the BP Oil Black Bottom Cake. If you have anything near my sense of humor, you’ll definitely enjoy it.

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